Monday, March 23, 2009

Letter Month 12

Dear Sena,
A year ago, at this time on March 23rd, I was bouncing on a ball in the living room, beginning to feel the pains of contractions. Grandma Sheree & Grandpa Thomas were here. Papa was wondering what to do. And, I was wondering—is this it? Is she on her way?

I can't believe a year has passed. Your birth still is a vivid memory. I can see papa's face as he watched me breathe through contractions. I can see Cash and Kona as they paced the house, wondering why I was up in the middle of the night—and moaning. I remember Carrie, the doula, arriving at 3 a.m. to your father doing laundry and your mother curled up on the bed. I remember when she said my contractions needed to be closer together, and thinking, "she's got to be kidding." I remember driving to the hospital and feeling pains, yet, feeling ecstatic that the next time I got in a car, I'd have you. I remember arriving at the hospital and being so pissed off that they wanted me to fill out paperwork, like I wasn't busy with something. I remember your papa being the strongest man in the world that day. He held my hand, breathed with me, got in the tub, rubbed my back, and never wavered from his encouragement. I remember feeling so very loved and supported. I also remember thinking that I might be in labor the rest of my life.

I remember the glazed look on your papa's eyes as he handed you to me, and feeling that my heart had stopped and started again, only stronger. I remember feeling overwhelmed and totally unprepared as we embarked on this new journey together. Everyone tells you that becoming a mother is the hardest, and most rewarding thing you'll ever do, but no matter how many people tell you, or who it is that tells you this, you don't understand it until you have your child in your arms. Totally vulnerable, totally dependent, and suddenly you get it. I'm mama. This is everything.

As many a mother knows, the days can be long, but the time still flies by. A year ago, you knew us because you knew our voices. Now, you know that we're here for you. You know to reach for us if you feel scared. You know to yell at us if you're mad. You know we'll try our best to fix things. You've brought so much joy to your papa and me. Joy replete with poopy diapers, late nights, bruises, and more. Joy filled with smiles, laughter, and firsts. I know the next year promises to be another year full of steps, words, and personality. I can't wait. Or, maybe I can. If the first year is any indication of how quickly time passes, I'm happy to stop the clock for awhile.

I love you,
love,
mama

A year ago..


And, a year later..

Attitude..

This girl's certainly not afraid of showing her emotions!


Birthday Bash

On Saturday, we threw Sena her first birthday party, replete with margaritas and posole. Wait, that was for us. The kiddos had cheerios, veggie booty, apple juice, and carrot cake cupcakes. Sena seemed to enjoy the party even though she'd been awake since 10 a.m. (long story). Her father and I were utterly exhausted after the party, and can't imagine that each birthday from here on out will probably just get more complicated—I mean exciting! We had a great time, and feel so grateful and thankful for all of our friends and family.







Late posting pictures

I'm a little behind with posting pics. Here are some from the last few weeks...

Aren't I pretty?




My father put me here.


Ready for the Game..

Thursday, March 12, 2009

About a Year Ago...



So, as we approach Sena's first birthday and I get over my shock at how quickly an entire year has passed, I'm dealing with all sorts of conflicting emotions. It started when my nurse from Sena's birth showed up for my prenatal class last week. I'm pretty sure that I spent most of my class just trying to keep my head focused and not say things like, "stand on your elbows," which I'm known to do anyway. It was just such a trip that the last time I saw this lovely woman I was in the throws of trying to push Sena into this world.

Anyway, about a year ago, while I was waiting and waiting for Sena to arrive, we had Amy Wadlington come and photograph my growing belly. I know many women who hated being pregnant, but for me, I loved it. I mean- LOVE. I absolutely loved the connection that we shared. I remember feeling sad that I couldn't feel that connection anymore, and almost longed for my belly. (Demented? Perhaps.) A year ago, my mother-in-law and I would go walking as often as possible, trying to bring little Sena into the world. And, I would spend my other hours organizing, reorganizing, and then dismantling whatever I organized. My nesting instinct was more like a hurricane plowing through my home. Anything was fair game. I'm pretty sure that Steven hid anything valuable just to be sure I didn't throw it away or donate it to whatever charity was driving through the neighborhood that day. Anyway, approximately one year ago, I looked like this:



Saturday, March 7, 2009

Tantrums? Seriously?

Okay, please tell me you're not feeling well, or have just been tired, because I'm not ready for tantrums. As of late, you've starting showing just how strong your willpower is. Arching your back when you're not happy with a decision, whining, etc. Where did my baby girl go?!